I love this blog primarily because it gives me the chance to express myself that I haven't really had since I stopped keeping a diary aged about fourteen. After the cleaner found it and quite probably read it, I didn't really feel safe committing my deepest feelings to paper and so I stopped until a couple of years ago, and although the blog really isn't a diary (maybe a reading one?) I do like the fact that I can occassionally have a bit of a rant about how life is going.
At the moment, it's pretty crap to be honest. Way back last summer I had a short blogging break because of some family stuff that was going on. The situation is still ongoing, but we were learning to cope with it. This week something else happened that's thrown the cat in with the pigeons and left me feeling totally awful. Sorry to be so vague but in all honesty details don't particularly help :-( Suffice to say that something happened to a family member which I would never in a million years have imagined happening and there have been ramifications which have left me personally feeling really judged and scared and depressed. I just want to add that this is totally stupid because as far as I'm aware, I haven't done anything personally to make me feel that way, it's just that the whole situation is total bollocks and it's one of those which is really difficult to judge from the outside, but because of its nature, it is being judged by people who know only the bare minimum of facts and it makes me angry.
Our life since May of last year seems to have been made up of waiting for other people's decisions about things that majorly affect us, and I thought we were over it all, but apparently not. I just wanted to ask you lovely lot to pray or keep your fingers crossed or whatever it is that you personally do, because if things don't get better soon I really don't know what I'm going to do.
In happier news, I finished The Uncoupling yesterday and it was great, and I started reading My Life in France by Julia Child & Alex Prud'homme which is helping a little (as are long hot baths and copious amounts of Creme Eggs and hot chocolate!). I also started knitting my first ever jumper and made mushroom soup, so it's not all bad!
Sorry to be on such a downer, I just needed to vent. I'll be happier next time I post, I promise!
Vent away sweets - and you know where I am if you need to email-rant anytime! In the meantime, I AM keeping my fingers crossed that things in Bex-land get better soon, and wishing you all the wonderful reading, chocolate and luxurious baths you need to get through it in one piece. *love and hugs and everything nice* xxReplyDelete
Awwww Bex I'm sorry that things suck :( I'll be sending all good vibes your way for things to get better, and like Ellie said, I'm always there for an email rant too! (In other news, I REALLY need a creme egg now... Damn.)ReplyDelete
Oh Bex! *hugs and crosses fingers simultaneously*ReplyDelete
Email me if you want to rant. Seriously, it doesn't have to make sense or be spelled correctly or anything, just spew it all out and press 'send' lol.
It sucks that you're not having a great time of it right now though and I hope everything sorts itself out soon.
I definitely recommend Creme Egg therapy though! I've been forbidden for eating them in public though - I start off really neatly but then my fingers get all sticky and I shove THE WHOLE THING in my mouth at once. I'm a Lady :D
"waiting for other people's decisions about things that majorly affect us" - you've just summed up last year for me. I get it, I've been there, and even though I'm technically *not* there now, it's sufficiently scarred me enough to worry daily I'll be there again. Every letter in the post still puts the fear of God into me. So yep, I get you, and you have my complete sympathy and concern, and I'll send you many positive vibes. Like Ellie says - treat yourself, be kind to yourself, all the things you *can* control. I hope everything turns out ok and fast. xxxxReplyDelete
Thanks guys :-) I've been feeling a lot better since I wrote this, I really think that just being able to get it out helped so much! O - I'm glad that you're through it now, it really sucks! Thanks for the support.ReplyDelete
And all you other lot (:-p) thanks for being there, as always :-) Sorry for making you all want creme eggs!!