I love this blog primarily because it gives me the chance to express myself that I haven't really had since I stopped keeping a diary aged about fourteen. After the cleaner found it and quite probably read it, I didn't really feel safe committing my deepest feelings to paper and so I stopped until a couple of years ago, and although the blog really isn't a diary (maybe a reading one?) I do like the fact that I can occassionally have a bit of a rant about how life is going.
At the moment, it's pretty crap to be honest. Way back last summer I had a short blogging break because of some family stuff that was going on. The situation is still ongoing, but we were learning to cope with it. This week something else happened that's thrown the cat in with the pigeons and left me feeling totally awful. Sorry to be so vague but in all honesty details don't particularly help :-( Suffice to say that something happened to a family member which I would never in a million years have imagined happening and there have been ramifications which have left me personally feeling really judged and scared and depressed. I just want to add that this is totally stupid because as far as I'm aware, I haven't done anything personally to make me feel that way, it's just that the whole situation is total bollocks and it's one of those which is really difficult to judge from the outside, but because of its nature, it is being judged by people who know only the bare minimum of facts and it makes me angry.
Our life since May of last year seems to have been made up of waiting for other people's decisions about things that majorly affect us, and I thought we were over it all, but apparently not. I just wanted to ask you lovely lot to pray or keep your fingers crossed or whatever it is that you personally do, because if things don't get better soon I really don't know what I'm going to do.
In happier news, I finished The Uncoupling yesterday and it was great, and I started reading My Life in France by Julia Child & Alex Prud'homme which is helping a little (as are long hot baths and copious amounts of Creme Eggs and hot chocolate!). I also started knitting my first ever jumper and made mushroom soup, so it's not all bad!
Sorry to be on such a downer, I just needed to vent. I'll be happier next time I post, I promise!